


Old Habits Die Hard

by WellGoodLuckWithThat (orphan_account)



Series: Tumblr Prompts [2]
Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV), Thirteen Reasons Why - Jay Asher
Genre: Clay x Tony - Freeform, Clony - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-12
Updated: 2017-04-12
Packaged: 2018-10-17 21:41:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10602813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/WellGoodLuckWithThat
Summary: Tumblr Prompt - "Ever since Hannah died, Clay sinks back into old childhood habits (such as sleeping with a teddy or being scared of the dark, etc.) but one night he has a really bad nightmare and calls Tony and Tony comes over and finds about everything and thinks it's absolutely adorable."(Not sure if this is quite what you meant, it went a little darker than I had imagined! But I just love Tony being there for Clay!)





	

It all started about a week after he’d finished Hannah’s tapes. Hannah’s tapes. Her final message unto the world, and Clay had been both privileged enough and horrified to have been witness to it. Clay isn’t too sure when he first started to become dependent on these behaviours, but he knew that it was steadily starting to spiral out of his own control. He tried all he could at first to get Hannah’s voice from his mind; he wanted rid of her sweet laughter, the soft lilting narrative that he’d been accustomed to hearing had swiftly infected his brain to point of hallucinations so vivid that he had to remind himself daily that Hannah was well and truly gone. Clearly, somewhere along the line his mind had been kept out of the loop, and he often found himself placing her physically in situations where she no longer belonged. It drove him absolutely crazy; constantly trying to piece reality with his scrambled thoughts. So crazy, in fact, that he needed to seek comfort in something… anything. His first thought had been Tony, but on top of all the other shit he’d dealt with in the past month it appeared that the slightly older boy had been avoiding hanging out with him one to one, so it was difficult to express what he was feeling. Besides, Tony had been with Brad when it started, and not wanting to be a burden, Clay thought it best to just leave the boy to himself and his relationship. He was probably sick of him anyway, God knows Clay was sick of himself. 

Before long, Clay knew that he needed to do something to stop him from turning full wackjob, and if that meant helping his parents clean out the basement then that’s what he would do. It was only when he got his hands on his old childhood toys that he realised what a gold mine of distraction was hidden away in those stale, old boxes, collecting dust as they sat untouched. It all started with his old wool-stuffed dog toy; that was one of the first things he pulled from the cardboard containers, his face lighting up as he remembered the great memories he’d had with this tiny, beaten-up doll. When Clay was 6, he remembers that he was absolutely terrified of dogs after staying up to watch a documentary about how dangerous wild ones could be. His mom tried everything to get him to sleep at night, but the reoccurring dream of a dark beast invading his bedroom to tear him limb from limb was enough to make little 6 year-old Clay fairly adverse to joining the land of the unconscious when nightfall hit. The soft toy was his dad’s idea, having read in an old parenting manual that it could help, Clay’s parents told him the toy dog would watch over him in the night, protecting him from danger. Clay remembers the joy on his parents’ faces in the morning when he came downstairs having slept a full night without nightmares. It was a good memory, he thinks. 

It is this memory, clear in his mind, that caused Clay to take the toy to bed with him that night. If it could help him sleep back then, the teen saw no reason why it couldn’t work again, and he really was willing to try anything at this point. For the first time since Hannah Baker’s death, Clay slept a solid 7 hours – not perfect by any means, but a definite step forwards. It didn’t stop with his old dog though. As Clay progressed with his cleaning out, he came across many of his childhood treasures including comics, colouring books and his old night-light. In the space of a month, Clay had fully regressed to using his childhood as an escape; spending hours re-reading stories and using blunt pencils to colour freely, not even bothering to stay within the lines, before getting into bed with his old teddy and switching the night-light on. Clay could acknowledge that this behaviour wasn’t particularly normal, but he was so happy to finally stop thinking about Hannah that he just didn’t care anymore. 

This night, however, is different. This night, a heavy storm that’s been brewing all day like a tropical storm building up energy for destruction, has unleashed its wrath onto the small town of San Luis, and is currently pelting Clay’s window with heavy rain and hail. The wind is unrelenting as it whips through the air and causes the panels on the roof to shake and rattle and it… it is exactly like the night in Jessica’s bedroom. Clay tries his hardest to forget. He grips his toy so hard and squeezes his eyes shut so tight and he tries so damn hard to think of his comic books or his friends but all he can hear is her. 

_“Get out, Clay.”_ Hannah is shouting at him to leave. He’s gone too far… he’s hurt her and she wants him to leave. 

_“I don’t want you here, get out.”_ Clay is so confused. His hands cover his ears as he tries to block her out but she’s inside his head. She’s shouting at him. 

_“Get away from me.”_ She wants him to leave but if he leaves then Bryce will rape Jessica and Hannah will hear it and then Sheri will knock over the stop sign and Jeff will die and it’ll all be his fault again and he just can’t take it anymore and he’s close to the edge of the cliff but then… Tony. Tony thinks he needs to stand away from the edge. Tony will make it better. Just like he did that night on the cliff. Just like he’s done every time Clay has needed him and God, Clay needs that guy right now. 

Clay doesn’t even think about the fact it’s 2:00am, and the storm is hurtling through their small town like a hurricane and Tony is probably sleeping, he just knows he needs Tony to be there. He grabs his phone and hits speed dial. “Tony.” He sobs, only feeling pure relief that the other boy has answered; that he doesn’t have to be alone anymore. 

“…Clay?” Tony asks, his voice laced with sleep but immediate concern for his friend. “Clay, what is it? What’s happened?” 

“Tony.” Clay just sobs again. “I need… I don’t know… it needs to stop… I can’t… she wants me to leave again, Tony but I can’t.” 

“Okay, listen dude, you’re gonna stay right where you are yeah? I’m coming round now but I need you to promise me you are not going to hurt yourself, okay?” Tony tells him sternly, as he hops around his room juggling his jeans and phone all at once. 

“I won’t, Tony. I promise. Please just come.” Clay begs, tears still pouring down his cheeks, as he sits huddled in his mess of a kid’s bedroom, clutching the soft dog. 

“Always, Clay. I’ll always be there for you, no matter what.” Tony promises, echoing their past conversation. “Give me 15 minutes, tops.” 

-

Once Tony has managed to pull himself up and through Clay’s window, a task proving much more difficult due to the heavy storm surrounding him, he takes one look at Clay on the floor and his heart breaks. He’s down next to him in seconds, cradling the sobbing boy in his arms as he runs soothing hands up his back. “Clay, come on man, you’re okay, right? Everything is okay.” He tries to reassure. 

“How are things okay, Tony? Hannah is dead and it’s my fault!” Clay sobs into his t-shirt whilst gripping fistfuls of it in his hands. 

“We’ve been through this. We all could have done more for Hannah, Clay. We all failed her in some way, but this isn’t your fault! You made her happy, Clay. You. You need to remember that.” Clay just continues to cry into Tony’s jacket, but the other boy is feeling a lot better now he’s here to comfort the boy whilst he lets out his sadness. It is whilst Clay is buried in his chest, that Tony finally notices the child-like memorabilia that litters his best friends room. “Now you’re a bit calmer, do you wanna talk to me about all of this… stuff?” He asks gently, gesturing to the mess around Clay’s room once his crying has started to soften into hiccups. 

The younger boy finally looks up. “I know. I’m pathetic, right? I actually thought all of this would help me forget.” He laughs bitterly, picking up the toy dog before throwing it down in disgust. 

“Clay that’s not…” Tony starts. “That’s not pathetic, dude. We all need an outlet and you shouldn’t feel ashamed for doing it.”

“I like that… that me as a child doesn’t… didn’t know Hannah. It means I can forget. I just want to forget.” Clay tells him honestly, eyes brimming with fresh tears and successfully breaking Tony’s heart once again with his sadness. 

“Oh, Clay.” Tony sighs. “We can’t ever forget. And y’know, we shouldn’t. We need to learn from it and heal from it, and make sure it can never happen again.” The older boy says wisely. 

It is silent for a few seconds before Clay sniffs. “Unhelpful Yoda.” He mutters, smiling a little when Tony let’s out a laugh. 

“We’ll get you sorted okay? I’ll get you one of those adult colouring books. You don’t need all of this stuff to feel normal again, Clay, it’s just going to take time.”

“Tony, will you… will you stay with me tonight? I don’t want to be by myself.” Clay asks shyly, still tangled in Tony's arms that are securely wrapped around him. 

“Sure. I’ll stay as long as you need me to.” He responds, standing to bring them both to Clay’s bed. “And as long as you want me to.” 

“Looks like you’re moving in then.” Clay jokes tiredly, waiting for Tony to take his jacket and jeans off before crawling into bed and back into his arms. 

Tony laughs, before switching the light off, and pressing a brief kiss to Clay’s forehead. “We’ll get through this, Clay. I promise you.” He whispers, as the boy in his arms slowly drifts to sleep.


End file.
